Dylan Rhymer's State of the Week

(TALLAHASSEE) – Citing the 2^nd Amendment, the National Rifle Association has thrown its full support behind Florida’s controversial Must Stalk and Shoot Unarmed Black Teenagers Bill proposed by Senator Pinkly Botchroid (R-Orlando) which would require anybody carrying a gun to follow teenagers down quiet streets, corner them and shoot them. But only if they’re black.

“The 2^nd Amendment or whatever clearly states that it is every American’s duty to protect their loved ones from threats both real and imagined.” Said NRA President David Keene. “And frankly, it’s just easier for us to imagine black teenagers being a threat.” 

Deflecting accusations that the Bill is racist, Senator Botchroid said; “It’s perfectly simple! Many white people find black teenagers very threatening. And black people can’t stop being black and threatening so white people must be able to take matters into their own hands. And by “matters” I mean shooting black teenagers before they can pose a threat to threatened white people.” Added Botchroid; “and suggesting the NRA is racist, you’re kind of being racist against the NRA.”

Continued Mr Keene; “Guns don’t stalk and shoot unarmed black teenagers, NRA heroes do.”