Dylan Rhymer's State of the Week

We’ve proposed stopping movie theaters selling cups bigger than 16 ounces in New York City. It’s become fashionable to sell 32-ounce cups, and there’s probably more sugar in that than you would use in a normal month of drinking coffee with sugar. Obesity is becoming the biggest public-health issue in the country. Everybody’s wringing their hands about it, and we’re trying to do something about it.

The smoking ban was very controversial at the beginning. Now I don’t think any bar, restaurant owner, would ever go back.

A society that sits by and watches as health issues are ignored is an unhealthy one, but a community that promotes healthy living can only reap the rewards of a healthy future. Let’s do this for the children of New York City.

COUNTER-POINT: YOU WANT ME TO WATCH G.I. JOE 2 WITH ONLY 16 OUNCES OF MOUNTAIN DEW? FUCK YOU, NAZI!

By Some Obese New Yorker

Are you serious? You are, aren’t you? This guy’s serious, right here! Listen, G.I. Joe 2 is, like, a 120-minute movie right there, and then you got yer previews. Now you’re lookin’ at 2 and a half hours. And you think I make it through that with some faggy little 16-ounce Mountain Dew? What planet are you from? Not New York, that’s for damn sure.

Then I got my snacks. I got my hot dog and I got my nachos and I got my large popcorn AND my ju-jubies, and my Baby Ruth. 16 puny ounces of Mountain Dew to wash all that down? Gimme a break! Look at the science, man. That’s impossible!

You know what you are? You’re a fucking ICE CREAM SOCIALIST!

First they came for the cigarettes

And I didn’t speak out because I was drunk

Then they came for the happy meal

And I didn’t speak out because my mouth was full of nuggets

Then they came for the Mountain Dews…

Okay, fine Mr Mayor. I’ll just have to make 4 separate trips to the concession stand to buy 4 separate 16-ounce Mountain Dews. There’s your precious exercise. But it’s your ass I’ll be suing when drop dead of a heart attack!!!