May 2012
13 posts
5 tags
DONALD TRUMP INSISTS PRESIDENT OBAMA WAS BORN A...
(NEW YORK) - Donald Trump, the celebrity business tycoon, went on a full fledged media tear today when he doubled down on his assertion that Barack Obama, America’s first black President, was actually born a black guy.
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Said Mr Trump from his complex in New York City “I have yet to see any convincing evidence that Barack Obama was not born as a black guy. Show me a birth certificate that...
6 tags
PLENTY OF FISH GOES PUBLIC, STOCK VALUED AT $58...
(WALL STREET) – Following Facebook’s lead, the popular social networking and dating site Plenty of Fish has gone public to intense short-term interest from investors.
Plenty of Fish went public at 2:35 am this morning shortly after the bars and clubs all closed and was immediately met with a flurry of desperately interested investors. In the late hour, Plenty of Fish’s value seemed far...
8 tags
STUDY: FOX NEWS VIEWERS LESS INFORMED THAN DAR THE...
(NEW JERSEY) - A study has concluded that people who only watch Fox News are less informed than Dar, the Beastmaster who fell out of a mysterious Time Vortex outside of Los Angeles.
A study found that the average American was able to correctly answer 1.8 out of four questions on domestic and international news. Fox News viewers answered only 1.04 correctly, trailing the mysterious, shirtless...
8 tags
SOTW DEBATE OF THE WEEK: ALBERTAN CREATIONIST VS...
POINT: I DIDN’T COME FROM NO MONKEY! by Art Mack, Director of Communications, Big Valley Creation Science Museum, Big Valley, Alberta
What? Are you shitting me? I ain’t no monkey now and I never came from one neither!
I know where we come from: RIGHT HERE in Big Valley, Alberta! And right here is where I plan on stayin’! And lookin’ around, I don’t see no monkeys in my water cooler town.
Now...
6 tags
OLD WHITE PEOPLE IN N.B. EXCITED FOR VISIT FROM...
(FREDERICTON, NB)- Old, white people are making last-minute preparations for a visit from two fellow old white people from the United Kingdom. The two English senior citizens are considered by many white British old folks to be ambassadors of the interests of the pallid, British, geriatric lifestyle.
[[MORE]]The very popular UK senior citizens are expected to arrive in Fredericton, NB some...
9 tags
RAISING KIDS AMID THE YUPPIES, HIPSTERS AND FLAKES...
(A response to Mike Comrie: “Raising Kids amid the hookers, junkies and drunks of Vancouver’s worst neighbourhood”, National Post, To read original article click on http://fullcomment.nationalpost.com/2012/04/20/mike-comrie-raising-kids-amid-the-hookers-junkies-and-drunks-of-vancouvers-worst-neighbourhood/ )
Main and 14th Ave. Otherwise known as Mount Pleasant, in the heart of...
5 tags
SOTW RANT: An Open Letter to Finance Minister Jim...
Mr Flaherty,
Two days ago in the House of Commons, you said “There are no bad jobs in Canada.”
That’s funny, Jimmy, I distinctly remember working in a call centre selling lottery tickets to old people, and washing dishes in a perogie restaurant, and selling music boxes in the mall in a dumb pink shirt, all within Canada. I suppose these were a great jobs. If only I hadn’t been so spoiled and...
5 tags
OTTAWA ANTI-ABORTION RALLY RESULTS IN 53 UNWANTED...
(OTTAWA)- Thousands of Anti-abortion activists came together on Parliament Hill to voice their opposition to abortion. The beautiful spring weather coupled with heated, passionate discourse has resulted in at least 53 unwanted pregnancies that can be directly attributed to the event.
Brenda Gibbons, a spokeswoman for Campaign 4Life was impregnated by a mysterious, bearded anti-abortion protester...
6 tags
NORTH CAROLINA BANS "BROMANCE"
(NORTH CAROLINA) - In an overwhelming 69 to 31 vote, North Carolina voted to ban “Bromance”, as defined as a non-sexual but emotionally charged relationship between two non-gay dudes. From now on “Bromosexual” activities such as chest bumps, playing basketball shirtless and emotionally man-hugging at your best friend’s wedding is punishable with up to 2 years in prison.
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Said North...
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PETER KENT DEFENDS CALLING ALL ENVIRONMENTALISTS...
(OTTAWA) – Minister of the Environment Peter Kent dismissed charges of inciting a smear campaign when he described each and every environmentalist in Canada as being “a bunch of raging child molesters”.
Earlier today, when asked to comment on the increasing numbers of environmental protection groups opposing the proposed Northern Gateway oil pipeline, the Minister replied; “The Canadian economy...
4 tags
SOTW RANT: IF YOUR SHALLOW WORLDVIEW CAN BE SUMMED...
I swear to Zeus, I wasn’t planning on writing another anti-theistic opinion piece this week. I swear. I was going to write about how much I like my cat, I really was.
But then the T-shirt hit the fan.
In Chester Basin, Nova Scotia, a 19-year old grade 12 student named William Swinimer was suspended from school for repeatedly wearing a yellow T-shirt with the statement “LIFE IS WASTED WITHOUT...
3 tags
VANCOUVER MAYOR UNVEILS AFFORDABLE, ECO-FRIENDLY,...
(VANCOUVER) – Following through on his inaugural pledges to create affordable housing, cure homelessness and make Vancouver the “greenest city” on the planet, Vancouver Mayor Gregor Robertson unveiled his new housing initiative: Card-o-miniums.
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“These homes are not only cost-effective and spacious, but they are also bio-degradable and even portable.” Beamed Robertson “If you don’t like...
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MACKAY LURED INTO F-35 DEAL BY CAL WORTHINGTON...
(OTTAWA) – In what may perhaps be the most damning detail of the F-35 scandal so far, Defense Minister Peter MacKay was lured into the purchase of 65 fighter jets by an enormous inflatable castle shaped like King Kong and free hot dogs at Cal Worthington Motors in Tacoma, Washington.
The deal took place on a day trip that Stephen Harper had planned to Birch Bay Water Slides for himself, Mrs...
