PETER MACKAY UNDER FIRE FOR HAVING HIS BALLS COATED IN 14-K GOLD

(OTTAWA) – Once again Peter MacKay’s spending habits are under fire after having his testes completely coated in 14 Karat gold and charging it to his expense account.

According to Access to Information requests, Mr MacKay spent $17, 656 taxpayer dollars having his scrotum fully enveloped in shiny, luxurious gold. The bill came to $17,000 for the left one and $656.00 for the right one, which is significantly smaller than the left.

Mr MacKay claims the casing protects him from male itch. “The irritation could distract me from the serious business of whatever it is I do around here. I can assure you that I had the interests of all Canadians at heart when I had my genitals lovingly swathed in gold by virgin concubines.”

The NDP and Liberals slammed Mr MacKay’s testicular malfeasance, saying if the Defence Minister wants his gonads dipped in gold, he should do so on his own time and money.

The Conservatives failed to reply as they were busy admiring their reflections in Peter MacKay’s great big, shiny, 14-karat balls.

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