HARPER PILOTS A BOEING 767 UNTIL AIR CANADA STRIKE IS RESOLVED
(OTTAWA)– Fearing that an Air Canada strike would “affect the health and safety of Canadians and strand millions”, Stephen Harper immediately ordered all MPs to work at Air Canada as pilots, airline attendants and air-traffic controllers until a mutually beneficial contract resolution can be worked out.
Said the Prime Minister; “Now is not the time to play politics or cow-tow to business interests. Kick the tires and start the fires! Let’s get those birds in the air!”
Harper then donned an airline uniform and strode confidently out of the House of Commons, marching directly to Macdonald-Cartier Int. Airport stopping only to reassure a small child “Don’t worry, son. You’ll be home in time for your puppy’s birthday or my name isn’t Stephen “Cloud Cowboy” Harper.”
Harper then climbed into the cockpit of a Boeing 767 and piloted a 17-hour long haul run to every major Canadian city until TSB regulations forced him to take a break. “So many people inconvenienced… I just want to help…” mumbled the exhausted PM as he was helped away and forced to eat, shower and sleep.
Labour Minister Lisa Rait agreed; “The most important thing to this Government is the safety and well-being of Canadians above all else.” as she buttoned up her air traffic control uniform. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to go push some tin.”
The NDP, caught up in the whirlwind of avionic heroics, have volunteered as airline attendants for Porter Airlines, and Liberals have been trying unsuccessfully to get a soggy tangled kite off the ground.