Dylan Rhymer's State of the Week

(TEXAS)  Republican leadership hopeful Herman Cain, speaking to reporters after a debate in Texas on Saturday night, said he would not provide any more specifics on recent sexual-abuse allegations from former employees, asserting that “A gentleman simply does not sexually harass, fire, settle out of court and tell.”

He continued; “I’m not confirming that I sexually harassed anybody including other women who may come forward in the future with allegations of groping, molesting, fondling, fingering, smelling, licking or otherwise pinching, poking, or prodding. Oh yeah and slapping.”

He added; “Also, if suggestions surface that I may have asked them into my office to straighten a painting and then, when they were up against the wall adjusting the frame, I rushed out of my bathroom completely naked and rubbed my entire body against them until they had to hit me over the head with lamp will be, er, I mean would be entirely unfounded. I’m speaking hypothetically, here.”

 He then stared off into the middle-distance with a half-cocked smile growing on his lips until reporters got creeped out and walked away.

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