Dylan Rhymer's State of the Week

(UNITED NATIONS GENERAL ASSEMBLY, NEW YORK) - Already strained to breaking point, U.S.-Iran relations collapsed at the U.N. after US Ambassador Terry “Hulk” Hogan pile-drived a special Iranian envoy known only as “The Iron Shiek”, who totally had it coming.

Secretary-General “Mean Gene” Okerlund described it as “a unilateral act of Hulkamania”.

The Iron Sheik’s visit to the UN General Assembly seemed to be only for the sake of jeering and mockery; “You Yankee cheeseburger-capitalists make me puke! I puke on your wimpy army! I puke on your ugly women! And I puke on your Statue of Liberty!”

Ambassador Hogan was visibly enraged, but managed to hold his anger in check by huffing through his nose and bulging his eyes wide with anger.  But when The Iron Sheik produced an American flag and wiped it on his buttocks, Hogan ripped off his shirt and grabbed the Sheik, throwing him through the podium before bouncing him off the wall and hitting him with a clothesline arm hook.

Hogan than raised a cupped hand to his ear to the General Assembly, who roared their approval with rapturous applause, waving flags and fists pumping in the air.

“I call that a vote in favor of kicking butt!” shouted Hogan and then finished off the Iron Sheik with a pile-driver, ending the dispute and reclaiming Lady Liberty’s soiled chastity.

Scottish Ambassador Rowdy Roddy Piper, formerly an enemy of Ambassador Hogan’s said “In the global arena, it can be difficult to tell the good guys from the bad guys. But we can now be certain that Hulk Hogan is a real American.” 

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