Dylan Rhymer's State of the Week

My Fellow Weeklings,

 It’s a sad, slow news week when ex sitcom stars are raked over the coals for their political opinions. This week, both Kirk Cameron and Patricia Heaton were taken far, far too seriously. What? Was Alf not available to comment on assisted suicide? I’m simply dying to hear Urkle’s stance on Aboriginal land rights.

And incredibly, that means this week I’m actually defending Kirk Cameron.  

Did Kirk Cameron do something significant recently that I am unaware of? Did he win a Nobel prize or get elected to sheriff of some small county? Is there even a Growing Pains reboot in the works?

No? Then why the hell does anybody care what he has to say about anything?

This week, on Piers Morgan’s TV show he was asked about his opinion on same-sex marriage and homosexuality. And to Kirk Cameron’s credit, he gave a straightforward answer. As an evangelical Christian, he doesn’t dig on gays so much. What was the world expecting? He’s KIRK CAMERON!

The first rule of interviewing Kirk Cameron – club is you do not ask Kirk Cameron, a well-known creationist Christian questions about being Kirk Cameron, a well-known creationist Christian and expect anything less than answers to do with being Kirk Cameron, a well-known creationist Christian.

Anyways GLAAD jumped down his throat for giving an honest answer. But why? Because the ex-Mike Seaver happens to be a buffoon who is allergic to logic, he’s supposed to lie on a televised interview?

Listen GLAAD, you do a lot of great work but as far as I know Kirk Cameron isn’t running for any elected office, he’s not a judge (not even on Dancing With the Stars). Kirk Cameron is a dim-witted, fucked ex-sitcom star with widespread appeal to people with very little taste. Since Growing Pains went off the air his mission in life seems to have been starring in the Left Behind series of evangelical political thrillers (a guilty pleasure, I will admit. I’ve seen them all), or buddy-ing around with Australian creationist and “banana man” Ray Comfort. (called that for his idiotic hypothesis that bananas are yummy and easy to eat and therefore disprove the Theory of Natural Selection)

What does GLAAD think? That Kirk Cameron has any meaningful influence over anybody who doesn’t already think bananas are proof of divine intervention? Were the high schools of America going to spiral into homophobic chaos because some dork for an 80’s sitcom said he personally thinks homosexuality is a sin?

Basically, in Kirk Cameron’s defense, he is a complete idiot. But he is a complete idiot who is entitled to his opinion. 

But having a go at Kirk Cameron is the wimp’s way out.

If you’re going to have a go at Kirk Cameron, you may as well have a go at every single  self-described Christian, all the way up to the Pope. When asked his opinions on gay people, Kirk Cameron basically barfed out the standard Christian argument about homosexuality being sinful and blah blah blah. In other words THE SHIT THAT IS IN THE BIBLE.

In fact, the more I think about this, the more I respect Kirk Cameron for sticking to his guns. At least he’s the real deal. He’s not some “spiritual” flake who hedges his holy bets while ignoring the scripture’s nastier side.

Nope. Kirk Cameron is preaching the actual Bible, in all its ignorant glory.

Atheists should buy him a cake for pointing out the stupidity of Christianity and the bible. A banana cake.