Dylan Rhymer's State of the Week

(Vancouver). Whether it was the beautiful weather or having lots of errands to run, for whatever reason Vancouver just completely forgot to vote in its own Municipal Elections this time around. As of 8:30 pm closing time not one single ballot had been cast.

“Ah, right, that. Voting. I knew I forgot something” said Vancouver as he picked up his dry cleaning the next day, a task which took about as long as it does to vote.

Vancouver already had an uncertain voting record, with only 31% of eligible voters turning up to the polls in 2008.

Experts suggested the poor turnout is due to the generally lackluster performance of the two main parties. But in reality Vancouver is just a lazy stupid asshole who sat around playing video games and smoking pot out of a bong made out of a Heinz ketchup bottle.

“Oh, was that today?” asked Vancouver while waiting in line to get into a nightclub 90 minutes after the polls had been closed with empty vote boxes that didn’t need to be counted because they contained not one single ballot. “Sorry, I had all this shit to do.” But Vancouver never clarified what those things were and went back to texting something stupid to her moron friends. 

It is assumed that Vancouver spent the day in a coffee shop drinking lattes and complaining about bike lanes and expensive rents.