Dylan Rhymer's State of the Week

(NEW JERSEY) - A study has concluded that people who only watch Fox News are less informed than Dar, the Beastmaster who fell out of a mysterious Time Vortex outside of Los Angeles.

A study found that the average American was able to correctly answer 1.8 out of four questions on domestic and international news. Fox News viewers answered only 1.04 correctly, trailing the mysterious, shirtless Beastmaster by one full point, who correctly answered 2.14 correctly despite having been teleported to our world from a dark and dangerous age by the evil Lord Braxus. 

The study found that “people who watch Fox News are 63% less likely to know that Egyptians overthrew their government” compared to Dar who replied “At last the enslaved people of Egypt have overthrown their sadistic leader.”

On the environment, 67% of Fox viewers “strongly agreed” with the statement “climate change is not happening at all”, with Dar responding “when many of you car-horses fart, a great cloud rises. There is strange thunder on the horizon” while gesturing his his mighty sword from congested LA traffic to the sky. 

A political science professor at Fairleigh Dickinson, explained, “Dar has the magic ability to see through the eyes of the animals which may give him a slight advantage. Even his animal companions seems more aware of what’s going on than Fox News viewers.”

Even on false allegations of the Presidents’ non-citizenship 78% of Fox News viewers believed there was “some doubt” that President Barack Obama is a US citizen, with Dar the Beastmaster replying “only he who is born of native soil may lead the land. Aye, this Obama man is indeed the leader of this strange place you call Ah-mehr-eeka” 

Fox News spokesman David Rudin disregarded the study; “But we are proud to announce our  newest member of the Fox News team, Lord Braxus! His show “ the Lord Braxus Factor”, will join the Fox News lineup starting this Fall.”