HARPER DEVOURS MASSIVE PLATE OF ASBESTOS TO WOO QUEBEC VOTERS AND SILENCE CRITICS
(ASBESTOS, QUE) – In an attempt to woo badly-needed Quebec voters and ease criticism of Canada’s controversial asbestos exportation, Stephen Harper sat down and devoured a large plate of asbestos to prove his devotion to Quebec’s asbestos industry.
“Mmmm, c’est delicieux!” gushed the PM between heaping mouthfuls of the blue, fibrous crystals. “J’aime l’asbestos! Vive le asbestos libre!”
Prime Minister Harper, who for years funded the Chrysotile Institute, an asbestos lobby group to the tune of $50,000 has refused to place asbestos on an international list of unsafe substances. By devouring a plate of asbestos he hopes to silence his critics and gain badly-needed votes in Quebec.
The PM then washed down his meal with a gallon on frack-water from New Brunswick and belched loudly.
“See?” chided the PM “ If used properly, asbestos can be a delicious and refreshing summertime snack.” He then kissed his fingertips and said “MMMMwah!”
The NDP, Liberals and PQ were supportive of the PM’s decision to eat asbestos and encouraged him to have seconds.
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