WEALTHY REPUBLICANS DEVELOP CYBORG CANDIDATE TO RUN IN 2016
(SILICON VALLEY) – The right-wing billionaire Koch Brothers have shaken up an already tense Election by withdrawing all SuperPAC donations to the Republican party and opting to develop the world’s first entirely synthetic politician.
Said Billionaire David Koch, “Rather than having to constantly fund countless candidates on the off chance they might become President, the best option left to us is to build a candidate from scratch. It’s just the most cost-effective way to own a democracy.”
“Mitt Romney is about as thoughtless a creature we could find. He rarely thinks at all, unless it’s about how best to please his wealthy donors. But what we need is a candidate who we can guarantee never thinks at all.”
“Nowhere in the Constitution does it say that a candidate has to be a flesh and blood human being.”
Eerily human, CandiDat is equipped with a faceplate capable of projecting the race of whichever voter CandiDat is talking to. CandiDat is equally at ease delivering a speech to the Hispanic community in New Mexico or hob-nobbing around millionaires on a private yacht in Martha’s Vineyard. CandiDat is a chameleon, all things to all voters and especially donors. CandiDat also comes equipped with a debit /credit card machine attached to accept donations directly into its mouth. If they like, donors can literally stuff money directly into CandiDat’s mouth and watch him devour it like salad.
Said CandiDat designer Miles Dyson; “Mark my words, in a generation robots will be indistinguishable from politicians and vice-versa.”
Efforts by The Tea Party to mate a chimpanzee with a vacuum cleaner and an American flag have so far proven unsuccessful.
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