Dylan Rhymer's State of the Week

(NEW YORK) Following lackluster performances at various Presidential debates, Texas Governor Rick Perry has committed to not only limiting debates, but remaining silent for the remainder of his run for the White House.

Standing next to Governor Perry, campaign spokesman Ray Sullivan told the Associated Press Saturday that the Texas governor will keep a tight lip and nod and grunt and use basic hand gestures such as the popular “thumbs up”.

“Rick Perry’s record speaks for itself, so Rick Perry won’t have to. This is a man of stoicism. Silent stoicism. And most of presidential politics is posing for photos anyways. We’re pretty sure if he just keeps his trap shut he can’t do any damage to his campaign. I can say with absolute certainty that Rick Perry has it in himself to nod and grunt his way to the White House.”

Perry himself then added “and the problem with voters and gays is-” but was silenced immediately by handlers ‘SHUT THE FUCK UP!