About Dylan RhymerJesus Trampled After Crucifixion Re-enactment Scheduled On Same Weekend As The Running Of The BullsInvention of Sentient, Self-Aware Gun That Loves Killing People Forces NRA To Change Their Slogan Anti-Gentrification Vandalism Results In More GentrificationCanada Deploys 350 Passive-Aggressive Troops To MaliDeadly Bangladesh Garment Factory Fire Results In Huge Savings For Customers, Says WalmartIrish Catholics Saddened By Death Of Fetus. And Maybe The Mother Too, They GuessObama Wins, Imposes Sharia Law; "Fools! You Should Have Listened To Chuck Norris!"The Obama & Mitt Show Approaches Tearful, 20-Hour FinaleArmy To Go School-To-School Beating Up BulliesAll The People In Cars Mad At All The People In CarsDon't Burn The Koran. Don't Burn Cities. Everybody Stop Burning Things!The Talented Mr Romney (Movie Trailer)A Honky-Dory Thanksgiving PrayerE.coli Outbreak Caused By Bacteria Found In Agr. Minister Gerry Ritz's Walrus MoustacheAtheist Mobs Riot Over FB Photo Deemed Offensive To Richard Dawkins SOTW: FUCK THIS WEEK! Trudeau, Married Jesus & Babies In BarsPoliticians Having Non-Threatening Conversation About Abortion Rights But Don't Worry About It. Really. SOTW IN HISTORIA (SEPT 12, 1944): Barry White Born, Praises Mother's Sweet, Sweet Uterus Parliament Resumes, Peter MacKay Won't Shut Up About Burning ManSOTW HISTORIA: (SEPT 6, 1997) Elton John Performs "Candle In The Wind" At Diana's Funeral, Rousing Encore Of "Crocodile Rock" SOTW IN HISTORIA: (SEPT 3, 1969) First ATM Open For Business, Immediately Pissed OnPro-Life Governor Opposed To Abortion "Except In Cases Where My Daughter Is Knocked Up By Her Black Boyfriend"Neil Armstrong Was Faked, Insist Conspiracy TheoristsRepublican Right Won't Shut Up About Abortion, Gay Marriage For Just One Fucking WeekendSOTW On Comedy: Competitions Are Popularity Contests, And That's A Good ThingBULLSHIT HISTORY MOMENT: (Aug 24, 1812) British Burn Down White House, Canada Brags For Next 200 YearsTodd Akin Gang-Raped By Ducks, Plans To Carry Fetus To BirthThis Day In History: Aug 21, 1959 Hawaii Becomes 50th State Just To Fake Obama's U.S. Citizenship In The FutureHarper To Stand Next To A Tree And Smile During Northern TourNo, Let's Talk About Bill HicksChick Fil-A Merely A Front For Killing Gay ChickensAnti-Wheat Board Forces Liberate Saskatchewan From Fascist Wheat BaronsWealthy Republicans Develop Cyborg Candidate To Run In 2016Dear America: Your New Boyfriend Mitt Romney Is A Huge DickheadJoe Paterno Statue Removal Upsets Fans Of Football And Child Molestation NRA Reaches Out To Families Of Colorado Shooting Victims With Free Movie Tickets GREAT OF THE WEEK! Awesome Guy Writes Own Obituary: Confesses To A Fake PHD, Stolen Safe & Love For His Wife On Daniel Tosh: The Only Thing Unfunnier Than A Rape Joke Is Someone With No Sense Of HumourLAPD Heroes Rescue Porn Theatre From Elderly Actor's Genitals Sorry! But Daniel Tosh Still Doesn't Owe Anyone An Apology (Tosh Rant Part 2)Focus On The Family: "Heat Wave Is God's Punishment For Gays Being Such Hotties" Harper Announces Creation Of "Ministry Of Attack Ads"Mitt Romney Booed Off Stage On Showtime At The ApolloHomeless Man Goes Undercover As FOX News Pundit John StosselObama And Romney Agree To Postpone Election Indefinitely To Focus On Fundraising Full-Time London To Advertise On Riot Police During 2012 OlympicsHarper Devours Massive Plate Of Asbestos Too Woo Quebec Voters And Silence CriticsFacebook Back On The Map With "Drunk Message Filter" For UsersSOTW SUNDAY RANT: When Politicians Start Bringing My Food, Then They Can Have TipsCatholic Priest Shocks Canada With Scandal That Has Nothing To Do With Child Molestation'God Particle' Discovered, Hates HomosexualsGlaxoSmithKline Unveils New Paxil For BabiesCanada Celebrates Something Or Other With The Same Old ShitHarper To Commemorate War Of 1812 By Rolling Back Civil Rights 200 YearsBoth Obama And Romney Confused By Egypt's Enthusiasm For Democratic ProcessQuebec Sex Workers Under Fire For Failing To Provide Blowjobs In Both Official LanguagesChrétien Shocked Bob Rae Won't Lead Party He Ruined Before Jumping Ship 10 Years AgoVancouver Unveils New "Riot Lanes"Producers Of "Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2" Admit They Forgot To Make The MovieToronto's Murderers Join Opposition To Plastic-Bag BanInuktitut Bible Helps Bore And Terrify Inuit Children In Their Own LanguageMacKay Defends Use Of Drones; "Mindless Robots With No Accountability Is What The Tory Government Is All About" HATE OF THE WEEK: Stephanie Gray And Her Giant Truck With Mutilated Fetuses All Over ItSOTW DEBATE OF THE WEEK: New York's Ban On Soft Drinks: A Nanny State? Donald Trump Insists President Obama Was Born A Black Guy Plenty Of Fish Goes Public, Stock Valued At $58 Actually Worth .33 CentsSTUDY: Fox News Viewers Less Informed Than Dar the Beastmaster From The Time VortexSOTW Debate Of the Week: Albertan Creationist Vs Articulate Macaque on EvolutionOld White People In NB Excited By Visit From Old White Couple From EnglandSOTW RANT: An Open Letter to Finance Minister Jim FlahertyOttawa Anti-Abortion Rally Results In 53 Unwanted PregnanciesNorth Carolina Bans "Bromance"Hockey Rioters to be Burned Alive in Massive Wicker ManRupert Murdoch Announces Fox News Kids NetworkVirginia Moves to Outlaw MestruationRaising Kids Amid the Yuppies, Hipsters and Flakes in Vancouver's Trendiest Neighbourhood Peter Kent Defends Calling All Environmentalists "A Bunch of Raging Child Molesters" SOTW RANT: If Your Shallow Worldview Can Be Summed Up On An Ugly Yellow T-Shirt, Your Life Is Already WastedNRA Endorses Florida's "Must Stalk And Shoot Unarmed Black Teenagers" BillVancouver Mayor Unveils Affordable, Eco-Friendly, Cardboard HousingMinisters Debate When A Pro Life Private Member's Motion Actually Begins NS Catholics Hold Bake Sale to Help Pay For Paedophile Priests' Legal FeesStupid Thing Dominates Internet For 20th Straight YearTories Replace Environment Canada With A Magic 8 BallSpace Program Budget Cuts, Canadarm Hits Skid RowRupert Murdoch Admits He Read Your Teenage Daughter's DiarySOTW EASTER RANT: I'll Take Happy Monkeys Over Horny MonksMacKay Lured Into F-35 Deal By Cal Worthington With Bouncy Castle, Free Hot DogsTories Move To Scrap Land Mine RegistryCBC Downsizes 700 Jobs and Replaces Them with Jian GhomeshiA Letter From CEO Howard Skittles: Please Stop Saying "Skittles" Every Time You Mention That Bigot Psycho ZimmermanTories Plan To Catapult Tar Sands Oil Over Native LandsHarper Pilots A Boeing 767 Until Air Canada Strike Is ResolvedNew iPad3's Features Include The Number 3 And The Word "New' GOP Candidates Try Appealing To One Brain-Damaged, Masturbating Chimp Harper Announces Ottawa-BC Bullshit PipelineSOTW ADDRESS: In Kirk Cameron’s Defense, He’s Kirk CameronLimbaugh Demands a Spanking From "Sluts" at Planned Parenthood, Begins Squealing Like a PigHarper Issues Thousands of Robo-Calls Reminding People He Knew Nothing About Robo-Calls Scandal SOTW ADDRESS: Describing Atheism to MoronsNDP Finally Decide On A Place To Go For PizzaSOTW ADDRESS: Guns Protected, Women ForgottenHarper Fires Judges, Pronounces Himself "Judge Dredd"A Letter From Chris Brown to All the LadiesHATE OF THE WEEK: Chris Brown & Everyone Who Didn't Murder Him On StageSOTW ADDRESS Feb 5th, 2012: The Superbowl Vs Roe Vs Wade?Desperate Protesters Occupy Playground in Affluent Vancouver Neighborhood Vancouver Bans Drinking Alcohol in BarsGreece Takes Out €100M PayDay Loan From Money MartUS-Iran Relations Collapse After Ambassador Hulk Hogan Piledrives The Iron SheikRon Paul Quits GOP Race After Being Sexually Harassed By Rick SantorumSOTW Editorial: Hitchens Dies, Catholic Priest Molests 38 KidsN Korean Burger Kings Name Kim Jong-Un "Supreme Burger Kim"BARFLY EDITORIAL: Happy HypoChristmas from the Pope!Harper Vows to Abolish Santa's Naughty / Nice RegistryPeter MacKay Under Fire For Having His Balls Coated in 14-K GoldJuggalo's Must Remove Clown Make-Up During Citizenship CeremoniesNDP Hires Richard Dreyfuss to Pretend to Be Jack Layton for the Next 4 YearsDavid Suzuki and Al Gore Say "Fuck It" and Go On Pollution SpreePeter MacKay Busted Taking a Tank to 7-11Gatorade To Sponsor Water Boarding on FOX Reality SeriesVancouver Just Forgets to Vote for Mayor Rick Perry to Not Speak for Remainder of Presidential CampaignTories Staff E.I. With Cyberdyne Systems Model T-101 Case WorkersGod to U.S. Congress; "I Don't Like You, OKAY?! Can't You Take a Hint?!"Herman Cain: A Gentleman Does Not Sexually Harrass, Fire, Settle Out of Court and Tell"“Occupy My Couch" Movement Continues to Outnumber Occupy VancouverVancouver To Solidify Douchebag Image With Law Requiring Cats On LeashesCanada Commemorates St Patrick's Day By Making Abortion Illegal For 24 Hours
Archive
NEWSNOISE
THE TALENTED MR. ROMNEY
Coming Soon…The twisted, creepy tale of an insane, desperate man trapped in an ever-spiraling vortex of lies who must spin an increasingly impossible-to-believe web of deception in order to avoid suspicion!
Who is Mr Romney?
A billionaire union-buster and a common blue-collar worker simultaneously…’
A pro-choicer who’ll “hopefully roll back Roe Vs Wade”…
A Feminist who’ll stop funding for Planned Parenthood…
A man who loves Big Bird but will cut funding to PBS…
A responsible pet-owner who straps his dog to the top of his car…
After all, in American politics it’s better to be a fake everybody than a real nobody.
THE TALENTED MR ROMNEY starring MITT ROMNEY, PAUL RYAN, AYN RAND and a cast of millions of deluded Republican voters.
Coming This Fall
47% on Rotten Tomatoes (depending on who you ask)
Dylan Rhymer’s live stand-up comedy special http://ow.ly/c0kUB
NORTH CAROLINA BANS “BROMANCE”
(NORTH CAROLINA) - In an overwhelming 69 to 31 vote, North Carolina voted to ban “Bromance”, as defined as a non-sexual but emotionally charged relationship between two non-gay dudes. From now on “Bromosexual” activities such as chest bumps, playing basketball shirtless and emotionally man-hugging at your best friend’s wedding is punishable with up to 2 years in prison.
